It’s time for a special (or maybe not-so-special) woman in your life’s birthday. We’ve gathered a list of the best lighthearted, funny, and possibly inappropriate birthday cards for her from independent card brands just for you.
Some people may find a few of these options vulgar or inappropriate. We just hope that that special lady in your life has a good sense of humor.
In this article (click to jump):
- 10 Birthday Cards for Any Woman in Your Life
- 12 Birthday Cards for Mom / Grandma
- 15 Birthday Cards for Sisters
- 9 Birthday Cards for Your Girlfriend / Wife
- 3 Birthday Cards for Your Aunt
- 5 Birthday Cards for Your Niece
- BONUS: Birthday Card Messages for Her
10 Universally-Appealing Birthday Cards for Her
We’re just going to assume you have lots of girlfriends (i.e. loved ones who are women... not romantic partners) who need cards, so here are 8 birthday card ideas for your best gal pals & loved ones.
A Gift - A cute, simple happy birthday card for her with the words “I hope you get a lot of gifts.” written inside.
Healthy Relationship Card from Ida Red General Store - One thing everyone knows about relationships is that women are always right. This card from Ida Red General store is perfect for your wife or girlfriend if it accurately describes your relationship.
It Lasts Much Longer from Sticks and Steel - Who cares about age? Youth lasts much longer than everyone thinks. This card with a simple 'happy birthday' inside is perfect for reminding the recipient to do whatever the heck she wants.
Autocorrect - Wish your friend a happy birthday filled with lots of birthday *cakes.
Crabby Friends - Get an “aww” from her when she opens it with the line, “Is pretending I like my other friends as much as I like you.”
Birthday Blows - Wish her a happy birthday and that she’ll blow more than candles. Some horns or balloons, maybe?
Like J. Lo - It’s no secret she doesn’t age because she’s a vampire, so flatter your friend by likening her ageless beauty to J. Lo.
Dog Years - Yeah alright… that got dark pretty quick. It would still be a good pick if you think she has a charcoal heart.
When You Grow Up Your Heart Dies - Keeping with the dark theme, here’s a card inspired by Allison from The Breakfast Club.
All I Ever Wanted - Let’s end this list on a sweet note: Funny and sure to make her heart melt with the line “You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend. Happy birthday” on the inside.
12 Birthday Cards for Your Mom / Grandma
This list works for your mom or your grandma (providing granny has a good sense of humor). Here are 12 of the funniest birthday cards you can give to your mom or grandma to make her smile, and hopefully laugh, on her special day.
Want Some Cake? - What better way to kick off this list than by congratulating your mom or grandma for continuing to exist? Hopefully she’ll survive the laughter after reading this card.
Glamma available at PORCH - When grandma’s got that J-Lo / Sally Field thing goin’ on.
…or when you want to kiss up to her for the next time it’s your birthday 😬
Five Stars available at Twisted Goods - If a Yelp review for parenting existed, your mom would deserve 5-stars. You're the living proof.
Not The Worst available at Clippo - Pretty sure your mom's not the worst. There are plenty of worse moms out there, but you might be the worst child for sending her this very reassuring card!
Manners available at Off the Wagon - Your mom deserves credit for teaching you enough manners that you buy greeting cards with censored curse words. Momma didn’t raise no hooligan.
At Least You Have Me available at ONEderChild - If you're planning to send your mom this card on her birthday, you're probably the witty one in the family - and that's likely why you're the favorite child.
No offense to the non-favorites.
It’s Going to Learn from Leon and Lulu - Babies are cute and cuddly until they grow up. Send this realistically speaking card to a first-time mommy in your life.
At Least You Don't Have Ugly Children - It’s always nice to congratulate your mom for making you as good looking as you are.
Cher a Little More - Maybe you’re too young to get the reference, but let’s hope your mom isn’t. A funny card featuring an elephant version of Cher in her outfit from the music video. Written inside is the line “I would. You look awful.” which is guaranteed to have your mom blowing water out of her nose.
Birthday Cassettes - Yet another option to tease your mom or grandma about her age. This card is sure to make her reminisce about her childhood when cassette tapes were all the rage.
Party Pooper - We saved the best, and darkest, for last. Along with a simple “Have a wonderful birthday” inside, wish your mom or grandma well for yet another year before her “retirement”.
15 Birthday Cards for Sisters
Who doesn’t love growing up with a sister? All the complaining, crying, screaming, Justin Beiber music blasting, etc…
Here are 15 funny birthday card ideas for the sister you love to hate and hate to love, yet still do.
Funky Family - With the words “Thank you for not being one of them” inside, what better way to tell your sister she’s special than by thanking her for not being another embarrassing family member.
Fierce available at White Rock Soap Gallery - For added effect, tape a little mirror between “fierce” and the footnote. You’ll thank us later!
So Vain available at 14 - Hill Gift Shop - I mean… it is, but that’s never stopped her before!
Type of Vibe available at White Trash - Watch out now — she comin’!
Basic available at Beaus and Belles Boutique - *places tiara on sister’s head*
Behind Every Woman available at Pink Arrows Boutique - Behind every successful woman is herself…
And her sister’s uplifting “YOU CAN DO THIS!” text messages.
Happy Birthday Not From The Toilet available at My HOME MERCANTILE - Guess you really went out of your way for your sister's birthday this year. We don't see any reason for her not to be grateful.
Barely Enough Whiskey available at Gift and Gather - Another year, another excuse to drink together and make questionable life choices.
Blame that great whiskey the morning after.
Adulthood available at MADE Art Boutique - Just like a sister who wants their birthday to be remembered, but insists on being left alone. Kind of ironic, isn’t it?
Podcast Obsession available at Harlan Ruby - You should absolutely be concerned, but we all know you’ll help them hide the body.
I Don’t Know What You Want available at Proctor Mercantile - Nothing's more complicated than finding a gift for your sister who has a gazillion favorite things. If that's the case, this Spice Girls themed birthday card might take a boulder off your shoulders.
Run The World from Standard Goods - Who run the world? Girls! Unleash your inner Beyonce by giving this card to your strong-willed sister. On her special day, she runs the world. A little song and dance number would probably be appreciated too!
Michael Scott Card from Giftbar - Oh, we know you call your sister not-so-nice names almost every day. And we also know that you wouldn't let her birthday be an exception. Send her this “The Office” themed birthday card to wish her a happy birthday from Michael Scott.
Proud Of You - A simple way to say “Sorry for all the name calling but don’t worry, I don’t disown you.”
Obligatory Sibling - Because nothing says I love you more than “it’s my obligation to.” Simple yet guaranteed to produce at least a little smile.
9 Birthday Cards for Your Girlfriend / Wife
Here are 9 birthday cards that you can give to your other half. These card ideas are sure to get your girlfriend or wife... or both... in the mood on her birthday.
Ms. Rhinasseros - She knows one of the reasons you’re with her is because of her *ahem* assets. This card is perfect for letting her know you love her... and her assets.
Wrinkles available at Brightside - It’s inevitable — wrinkles come with age. However, having someone to love you in spite of them should be cherished forever.
If you’re planning to get this card for your significant other, you’re a real catch!
Mama OooOoo available at Philistine Toronto - Who would have thought that a Freddie Mercury song lyric would be perfect for a birthday card for mom? Let’s just hope that it won’t be followed by another of the song’s lyrics: “Just killed a man”
I Like You Most of the Time available at Simply Beautiful - Sure, the constant mood swings and the large amount of time to decide where to get dinner isn’t anyone’s favorite part of being in a relationship.
But none of that really matters when it comes to your favorite person. Aww.
You Seem Way Older from The Skinny - This accordion birthday card may seem offensive at first glance, but a look inside will change your mind. If the recipient is a fan of surprises, this card is the way to go!
I’ll Do Anything available at Karma Fashion Boutique - “Whatever you’re in the mood for.”
It’s your birthday. You should pick anyways!
Saggier available at Made in the Mitten - *hacky sack gestures*
Snoring - Only love can give anyone the patience to sleep next to a loud snorer. Also, it’s a good way to let her know why you lack sleep at night.
Happy Burtday - Behold! The pièce de résistance. What better way to get her in the mood on her birthday than Burt Reynolds manspreading?
3 Birthday Cards for Your Aunt
Aunts are often cool mother figures. They put up with you mostly because they don’t have to deal with your shenanigans, and maybe even get a kick out of seeing your parents sweat. So don’t forget to wish your cool aunt well on her special day with these 3 birthday card ideas!
FUNT Birthday - Wish your coolest aunt a happy birthday without calling her a cu... cool aunt.
Punchable Aunt - What better way to honor your aunt on her birthday than by swearing to find her if you were given any other aunt?
As Aunties Go - If your aunt is already too cool, here's an option to cut down on the flattery so her head doesn’t get too big.
5 Birthday Cards for Nieces
You’ve gotta wish your sibling’s kids well on their birthday too. Here are 5 fun birthday card ideas for your favorite nieces.
Put Phone Down To Open Card - It might be a generational thing to be on your phone 24/7. What better way to wish your niece a happy birthday than to send her a birthday card that distracts her from using her phone instead of just shooting her a text?
Money Card available at Notown Goods - Aren’t we all guilty of this? The real challenge is pretending you’re genuinely interested in the card after you find money inside. 😅
Card Design by Modern Wit
Temporarily Young and Fun from Urban General Store - There's no better way to greet your niece with a "happy birthday" than giving them a reality check. They may think of you as the uncool aunt but trust us, you're very helpful in making them feel the #AdultingRealness.
Happy Birthday You Hippie Freak - A great birthday card for your woke niece while she’s trying to save the planet.
Being My Niece - And of course, what better way to say “happy birthday” to your niece than a “you're welcome for being my niece” card?
Birthday Card Messages For Her
Can’t figure out what to write inside your new birthday card? Here are some ideas to inspire you. Feel free to use any of them:
- I know age is just a number, but you have got to stop making up your own.
- You’re smart, funny, beautiful, kind, and pretty much everything else that makes you perfect.
- Happy birthday, my love! You haven’t aged a bit. I guess that’s good for both of us.
- You may have fooled others with how young you look, but remember: I know your real age.
- Happy birthday, mom! Now is your time to relax, hang loose, and let dad take care of everything.
- Only children would never understand how sisters can love each other dearly, and yet want to murder each other at the same time.
It’s even better if you personalize your message. Tailor the message to your experiences with her. Quote lines from her favorite songs or movies, throw in an inside joke or mention a memory you share.
Putting a little more effort into your message can go a long way. This will show how much you appreciate her, and will make her special day more memorable.
Thanks For Dropping By!
If none of these were quite right, there’s nothing more wildly inappropriate than our Anonymous F**k You card! You might get a laugh out of her... or a flying object.
We hope you had a fun time browsing our list of 47 fun (and often inappropriate) birthday cards for her, and that you found what you were looking for.
If you do purchase a card on our list, please come back and leave a comment. We’d love to hear the story of her reaction. Also let us know if you have any suggestions for funny cards for her that you’d like to see on this page.